


Muse Please

by jlowi17



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Felix is a dickhead what's new, Locus (mentioned), M/M, Shit talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:46:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4419995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlowi17/pseuds/jlowi17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix is a dickhead, which somehow still manages to surprise Tucker</p>
            </blockquote>





	Muse Please

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my little oyster](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+little+oyster).



> I felt that the previous Felix/Wash fic i wrote didn't have enough shit talking in it, so under the watchful eyes of my little oyster, here's yet another Felix ficlet.
> 
>  
> 
> In all honesty though, Felix is the shit so I'm not really complaining
> 
> *also wow I was surprised about the word count on this one, longer than my normal ficlets. safe to say I got carried away in the shit talking ;)

 

Another comrade of Tucker’s passed the doorway, snickering as they went.

Felix wasn't gonna lie, it was pretty funny to see a grown man sitting cross legged on the floor covered in a multitude of colour whilst trying to finger paint an intricate image. Especially when Tucker was covered in Felix’s own signature colours while trying to paint his portrait. That made it something VERY special.

 

Of course Felix was playing the model intentionally, spread out in a ‘draw me like one of your French girls’ pose, to further irritate Tucker in his task. He’d been like this for an hour or so, watching Tucker mentally fight himself over doing what Felix told him to do.

 

“Felix! I thought you said you were gonna train me to be a better soldier? What does finger painting have to do with anything that could possibly be of use to me?”

 

“Finesse and a steady hand, my dear boy” Felix stressed philosophically. “How the fuck are you gonna be able to throw a knife or swing that sword of yours if you can’t even hold a fucking finger paint brush steady?”

 

“And how the hell would you know this, huh? That sounds like some age-old experience bullshit.”

 

Felix reddened a little bit as Tucker’s observation stirred some old memories. “Well, if you must know…” He started.

 

“Holy shit! No way! Did Locus have you doing all this shit? With the paint and everything? Oh my fucking god I hope there’s pictures...”

 

“What? Like these?”

Felix cut off Tucker as he pulled out a myriad of photographs, except where Tucker was expecting Felix covered in paint, it was him.

 

Tucker was exasperated. Actually, exasperated didn’t even cover how mind fucked Tucker was.

“How the fuck did you manage this? I swear it Felix, I’ve been watching you for the last fucking three hours. When the fuck did you have the time to take these?”

 

Felix chuckled darkly, “Oh you’d be surprised what I am capable of”

 

“Fucking dickhead”, Tucker muttered under his breath before going back to the painting.

 

 

___________________________________________________________________________

 

It wasn’t long after that Felix decided he needed to torment Tucker more, getting frustrated at silently watching him determinedly attempt to capture Felix’s likeness

 

‘Hey dipshit? You done yet?” Felix switched out his sombre ‘portrait’ look, for the shit eating grin that typically adorned his face.

 

‘Shut the fuck up Felix, I’m trying to concentrate. Now stay fucking still so I can finish whatever the fuck you got me doing for whatever reason.

 

“Oh what?  Like this?” As he said this, Felix lazily changed his stance out of the ‘French girl’ pose, much to Tucker’s immediate frustration.

 

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FELIX I’M GONNA SLAUGHTER YOUR ASS”

 

“Sure you are, with all this finesse you just built up?” As Felix said this he got up and reached over, spinning around the portrait of himself and bursting into a fit of laughter as he saw the ‘finished’ product.

 

“Holy fucking christ Tucker. I knew you were shitty but THIS shitty? Fucking wow dude, you’ve just broken a whole new record!”

 

Tucker bit back, attempting to defend his piece of debatably called art.

“Hey dickwad, that right there is three hours of pure you. Could you at least be a bit appreciative of the effort I put in?”

 

“Effort, Tucker? It looked like somebody squashed a pumpkin into a poorly shaped limestone brick! Is this your impression of me? Ouch Tucker, that’s harsh.” Felix feigned, still wearing that signature cheshire cat grin.

 

“Fucking says you’, Tucker muttered as he frustratedly flicked the excess paint on his fingers onto the canvas.

 

“Oh no Tucker. Oh no...” Felix drawled.

 

“What Felix? What have I fucking done now?”

 

“You’ve ruined that lovely portrait!

 

“Lovely?! But you just fucking said-“

 

“You’ve ruined it. It’s too bad you did too, because you could’ve saved yourself _so much trouble_ ” Felix sing-songed.

 

“What the fuck are you on about, Felix?”

 

“Ruined it. You’re gonna have to start over now. Luckily for you I’m free for the next few hours” Felix winked suggestively.

 

All he got from Tucker was a vexed roll of his eyes.

“But you can’t even fucking tell! What the fuck dude? All I did was flick orange paint onto a mess of orange paint? Why the fuck do I have to start this three fucking hour long test again.”

 

‘I told you Tucker, you ruined it! And I can’t display a ruined painting now can I?”

 

“Display? The fuck?! No! You’re not gonna display this piece of shit! I don’t need everyone in the base on my fucking back cause you want to display a ‘pumpkin on a limestone block’, as you put it.”

As he said this, Tucker very deliberately put his fist through the piece of canvas, effectively destroying the past three hours.

 

“Well that’s just too bad, Tucker. You really didn’t have to ruin it. Luckily, I took precautions! Felix reached around behind him, taking out one last photograph, this one of the undestroyed finished product.

 

Felix hit the right note, as Tucker reacted hysterically.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW THE FUCK?! WHEN THE FUCK?! THAT’S IT IM OUT.”

Tucker stormed out, leaving an orange bootprint trail as he did.

 

Felix just snickered and grinned, and followed Tucker, torment on his mind. It’s a good thing he’s free for the next couple of hours, cause this was just the start of lovely day for Felix.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Critiques are welcomed!


End file.
